First off cute pictures of my family:
We spent a really nice eight days away for Thanksgiving with family. But let’s be real, eight nights away with three kids (one who is teething four teeth at once) is quite exhausting and our bags were PACKED with dirty laundry, so we thought we were looking forward to coming home and getting back to our own family routine….. And than life hit in the worst way. Here’s just a small list of the things we have had thrown at us in the last week:
No bathroom fan because of confusing complications which means mold build up and a whole in our ceiling that drips water (freezing cold water and it’s right over the toilet…. That’s not fun at 7 a.m.)
Our kitchen sink is unusable because it’s flooding, and running the dishwasher backs it up worse. So I’ll be washing dishes by hand in the bathtub tonight.
Did I mention #OBoy teething 4 teeth at once? All he does is scream, all day, all night.
Half my kitchen top is unusable because one burner isn't working and one burner is so tilted that all my pot and pans slide off of it.
And all the laundry from our trip is untouched.
(That’s like 20% of our week.)
I called my mom tonight in tears just so exhausted from the week. And of course she made everything better, because, well, mom’s are just the best. As we were talking I shared a few good moments from the week; like when we came home from the store earlier this week at 9:30 at night to an inch of fresh snow and more coming down. #LivyLu and #OBoy were asleep, however #ClaraBelle was wide awake. So Adam and I enjoyed a small snowball fight and making snow angels with our sweet #ClaraBelle as she laughed and ran until she couldn't keep up with her little legs, and would fall and slide on her puffy coat across the snow. And then today in sacrament meeting when I was explaining to #LivyLu that the sacrament means the Jesus loves us. After a second of thinking #LivyLu turned to me and said “Mom, I have a door to Jesus’ love” and pointed to her heart- cue the tears (and of course I forgot to put on waterproof mascara).
Through my conversation with my mom, she reminded me that there are no good days as a mom (well occasionally once in a blue moon), but there are so many good moments and we just have to focus on those; one day I’ll look back and be so grateful for this time both hard and good moments combined.
That reminded me of this time about two years ago. Adam was still a student, we had two babies, money was tight so we couldn't be with family for Christmas and we could barely afford a few small presents for our kids. Adam was working at the school radio at the time and offered to run the whole show during the break to pick up some extra cash. I was having an extra emotional day so we went out for a drive that evening to look at Christmas lights, and just happened to time it perfectly with the show that Adam had pre-recorded that day. Amidst this stressful, less than desirable time, I got to share one of my favorite winter activities with my sweet little family, while listening to the talents of my husband. While it was hard then, it’s a beautiful memory to look back on, and I’ll always treasure it.
This evening I have been reflecting a lot on focusing on and remembering the good moments when things get hard. I realized that while this week has been hard, this apartment that is causing such chaos in our lives was a blessing we had prayed for, for a very long time. And while my kids spend most of their days screaming, and making messes amidst the millions of other messes I don't have time to get to, my kids are the greatest blessings I have ever been given. Today we had the opportunity to talk to a woman who is staying with family because she just lost everything she owned in the fires in California. While my apartment is a mess and I have baskets overflowing with laundry, I have a home that is safe, and a mess that can wait as long as I need it to wait for me to clean it up. Blessings will forever be a blessing, as long as we have the eyes to see it that way.
I’m a very instant person. I want things to just work right the first time. But that rarely happens. And things never stay good for very long (I feel like Mr. Incredible “I just cleaned up this mess, can we keep it clean FOR TEN MINUTES?!”). I find myself getting so caught up in trying to stay on top of things and fixing things and getting frustrated about having to re-clean and re-clean. But I don't take the time to remember that the things that are hard were at one point a blessing that I couldn't believe was an actual reality in my life.
And as I was compiling all this in my head, the thought was whispered to me, “Blessings will forever be a blessing, as long as we have the eyes to see it that way.”
So what do we do when blessings become hard? When the things that we prayed so hard for suddenly are the things causing stress in our lives?
And the only thing I can think of is to take a moment, every day, multiple times a day and to thankfully reflect, engage with and soak in the good moments of our day.
I woke up to screaming kids today, church was hectic between callings and juggling kids who were off the walls crazy, they screamed and fought all evening, and of course cooking without being able to use running water and half a stove is a careful balancing act that I just didn’t have patience for today. But my #LivyLu sweetly asked me to cuddle with her in front of the fire and enjoy a Sunday show, #ClaraBelle sweetly sang to herself as she walked about playing for a few quiet minutes this evening. And #OBoy took a break from screaming just long enough to eat a very hearty couple servings of dinner.
One of the reasons I love this time of year so much, Thanksgiving through New Years, is because it’s a time of reflecting and sharing and finding new ways to become better every day. So one way I am challenging myself to take moments to reflect on my gratitude for the blessings in my life is to share them. Tomorrow if I share a sweet tender moment with one of my kids, I’m going to make sure I get down on their level and tell them thank you for making mommy smile. If a maintenance man finally shows up, I’m going to bake him cookies and maybe even give him a hug if he can restore my kitchen sink and dishwasher (mama needs a dishwasher). If my husband offers me a hand with the kids a moment of chaos, I’m gonna hug him just a little tighter and tell him how grateful I am to have his loving help. And when I get one room clean, I’m going to forget about the other six rooms that will need a major overhaul and just be grateful for the five minutes that room will stay pretty and neat.
I refuse to let the blessings I prayed for and waited so long for be the reason I am stressed any more. Because life is hard, but those blessings were given to me to make me smile.
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