Today I cried when our sink started flooding (due to plumbing issues we didnt cause) just as I was about to start making a meal for another family. I cried when water started dripping into our bathroom water closet due to a leak in a pipe that a construction worker wasn't aware of when he turned on the outside hose to mix cement. And I cried when there was a flood on our back patio due to…. Well it’s a long story. And then I cried real hard when I couldn't find #LivyLu for over 45 minutes (she was with Adam, there was miscommunication between Adam and I, and Adam didnt have his phone on him).
That doesn't make me weak. It means I’m human.
Today I yelled at #LivyLu to “STOP!” probably much louder than I should have when she didnt heed my first three stops and was about to do something unsanitary. I raised my voice at #ClaraBelle when she bent over and started to dunk her hair into dirty water that had pooled up. I shrieked which scared both my girls when they started to soak my bathroom from splashing each other in the bathtub (rinsing off the dirty flood water they played in after I had told them multiple times to not touch it). And then I yelled a little too harshly when the girls got into a marker fight, covering each other with ink blotches not even 10 minutes after their bath.
That doesn't make me a bad mom. It means I’m human.
Yesterday we ate out for dinner because I simply didnt want to clean any more dishes. Then today I let cheese sticks and fishy crackers be lunch. And dinner was a hodgepodge of what I could warm up from the freezer (hot dogs, chicken strips, waffle fries- but I did put watermelon on the side!) because seriously who wants to cook in a kitchen that has had flooding issues all day.
That doesn't mean I’m neglectful or lazy. It means I’m human.
Today I left the sticky jam on the table from breakfast, the laundry basket overflow, beds go unmaid, floors unswept, carpets unvacuumed, dishes unwashed, etc., etc. I let #ClaraBelle run around in a t-shirt and diaper half the afternoon (in front of construction workers and plumbers). I let #OBoy cry himself to sleep at nap time. I left the toys out on the back lawn and they will probably stay there all night. As I’m writing this the mess of dinner is still on the table (dinner was 3 hrs ago). And there is a whole list of things I should be doing but I’m just not gonna even try tonight.
That doesn't mean I’m failing, or falling behind, or giving up. It means I’m human.
I am the kind of person who over exaggerates things, and puts things in worst case scenario all the time. I use words like worst, absolute, by far, disaster, failed, etc. all the time, when in reality I’m not doing the “absolute worst” at anything, I’m not “by far the most failed mother out there”, and I haven't truly failed at anything. Some days are just overwhelming. Some days things seem to pile up faster than we can keep up with. Most days there is a struggle to not let my emotions or “first reaction” lead my actions. And sometimes I just need to step back and realize that I am not the only one who is, have or ever will have days like the one I just lived through.
Sometimes we allow ourselves; especially us moms who have devoted, sacrificed, and try so hard everyday; to let the negativity slip in and believe that we are “bad moms” or that we are failing. But don't for a second let that lie ever feel like truth.
Remember that activity in school where you are given a limited amount of supplies and told to complete a certain task? (those always made me so frustrated). Well that is the life of a mother every day. We are thrown curve balls, unexpected events pop up, children are unpredictable and let’s be honest LIFE JUST HAPPENS. We expect ourselves to take our limited supplies--sleep, patience, imagination, experience-- and make it through the day while still living up to our high standards or completing our lists of “to do’s”. If there’s anything I ever learned from those elementary school challenges, it’s that everyone performed the task differently, and in one way or another we all fell short. But no one ever failed, because the challenge, at the root, was to teach us that we all react differently. No one is going to complete the task perfectly.
It is because we are so devoted, because we have sacrificed so much, and if you really are a good mom, then you wake up everyday and honestly try (even if it’s just by a little) harder than you did the day before; that we hold ourselves to such high expectations. But no one but ourselves expects us to actually be perfect, especially on the unexpected days.
You are not a bad mom, or a failure or neglectful, or any of those bad thoughts because a bad day happened (and sometimes they just happen by no cause or reason). Chances are you handled things as well as anyone else could have, which makes you human, which means you are not alone. Please dont ever feel alone in the hard days. We all have been there and we are all doing our best.
However your day went today, you tried your best, and that’s a win in my book.