Sometimes I feel as though all my efforts will result in nothing, but then I have sweet little assurances that what I am doing is enough.
Every night, Adam and I sing primary songs to #LivyLu and #ClaraBelle before we say night time prayers; and every night #ClaraBelle turns her back to us while she flips through a book and #LivyLu either cries or buries her head under her blanket. On days when I am trying so hard to invite the spirit into our home (in an effort to stay patient (not one of better know qualities) with the never ending toddler shenanigans), I will turn on LDS hymns or other uplifting music (my current obsession is One Voice Children’s Choir, seriously they are adorable!). We can usually get through two maybe three songs before the complaining becomes too much. We try to do FHE as often as we can (usually ends up with a quick discussion about Jesus at the dinner table or singing primary songs to the girls as they take a bath), we say prayers, talk about Jesus, go look at Jesus’s house (the temple) as often as we can and we do our very best to keep our kids engaged and reverent at church (oh the struggles of entertaining and keeping three small kiddos quiet in sacrament…..), but sometimes it just feels like all our efforts are for not. Today though, I saw the sweet growing testimony of my darling #LivyLu.
Most mornings are filled with endless snuggles in pj’s while we binge watch cartoons, read books and sip on strawberry milkshakes (well all that mixed with diaper changes- so many diaper changes, cleaning up spills, splatters and spit up, separating fights over dolls and who gets to sit on mommy’s lap-- also we don't really drink strawberry milkshakes for breakfast (i wish!) they are protein shakes filled with lots and lots of healthy stuff, MUHAHAHA!).
Yesterday was different. We all slept in and lounged around in bed till 8:50 (oh how I love that my kids are late sleepers), before we even started breakfast (but not before a round of diaper changing) we watched the calling of the new first presidency for the LDS church. Immediately #LivyLu started begging me to switch to a cartoon, “I think we turn on new show mommy. I think, yes, new show.” She was crying, flopping all over everything and hanging off me (oh the drama of a three year old).
I was so focused on the speakers and the announcement that it took me a minute to realize that #LivyLu, who had flopped down in the middle of the living room floor sprawled out as much as she could be, had switched her complaining to sweet singing. She was singing I Am a Child of God, nailing every single word (BOOM BABY!). She sang it all the way through three times. During this #ClaraBelle climbed up onto my lap, grabbed my hands and wrapped them around herself (oh how i love to squish and snuggle that chunky little girl).
As I sat there listening to the new prophet and his counselors, my heart and home was filled with the spirit. My eyes teared up as the Holy Spirit reassured to me that I am doing the best that a mother with three, three and under, can be doing.
You know that mom who has a row of cute kiddos sitting by her in sacrament sitting quietly listening or looking at the Friend magazine, I envy her. You know the mom who has kids who anticipate and are ready to participate in FHE every week, I envy her too. Same with the mothers whose children want to participate in family prayers (let alone just stay quiet through the whole prayer), the one’s whose children who are excited to get ready and go to church, and the kids who enjoy church for more than just nursery toys and snacks. I understand my kids are only 3, 1 and 3 mo, but some days it really just feels like we will never reach those magical moments. But yet somehow, without me realizing, we have. #LivyLu sang I Am a Child of God all on her own, because it was the perfect song to sing in that moment, and she recognized that. She checks on #OBoy when he is crying and will occasionally share with #ClaraBelle (oh blessed day!) because she has listened to all those talks about “what would Jesus do?”. #ClaraBelle is drawn to things that invite the spirit; she LOVES watching Mormon Messages, looking at the gospel art library book, and thumbing through my scriptures (maybe that's because of the crinkle noise the pages make when she tears them out…..ooooo lolly).
Our new Prophet, President Russell M. Nelson once said in a conference talk, “The highest and noblest work in this life is that of a mother”. I often get caught up in the struggles of staying on top of diaper changes, keeping the peace, entertaining, scheduling, chauffeuring, and nurturing that I feel as though the little things i do throughout the day (like the prayers, music and storytelling) don't mean anything. And there are so many times i question if my children even understand and recognize the purpose in my efforts. But I am coming to realize that only the Savior can build a testimony. My job is to teach my children how to feel and recognize His love and influence, through teaching them ways of inviting the spirit into our hearts and home.
When #LivyLu sang I Am a Child of God, I was touched by the chorus (a song I have sung many many times, but it suddenly it has a new meaning); “Lead me, guide me, walk beside me. Help me find the way. Teach me all that I must do, to live with him someday”. My Savior has be there with me every step of my journey here on earth. He has been the one that has lifted me through the hard times, held me through the times I wanted to give up and He has taught me who I am and what my purpose is on this earth. My children have not come to recognize His amazing love and leadership yet, so it is my job to teach them, it is my job to be the physical representation of what Christ does for all of us. It is because of my love for my Savior that I will lead and guide my children, it is because of Him that I will walk beside them holding their hand and teaching them. It is because of Him that I will do everything I can to help them find their way back to their eternal home.
I love my Savior. And I love my children. And I love that for this time, I get to be the liaison between them. Golly gee I love being a mother.
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