The year has only just started and yet there has been so many changes in our family. Between the unexpected construction and remodeling in our apartment, Adam going from a contractor to a full time employee at work (which has come with a lot of responsibility and good things for our future), #LivyLu potty training (YES IT IS FINALLY CLICKING!!!!!), #ClaraBelle starting to form full sentences and saying the absolute sweetest prayers at the dinner table, #OBoy climbing (why does this kid have no fears, he will literally climb anything!) and just so many fast changes. Through all of the craziness that is quickly becoming the normal life that we live, I’ve had moments where I was able to sit back and watch my kids grow into these amazing little chunkers and my heart is just bursting with so much love for them.
The past year with #LivyLu was a struggle. We were just at such a loss and so exhausted from the endless tantrums. So I did a quick Google search and booked an appointment with the first person who would see us (this was in September, and his name is Jeff). The day we went to see Jeff was quite a surprise. We were sitting in the waiting room, I was reading a book to the kids when #LivyLu’s name was called. I looked up to see a middle aged man with a scruffy beard, and he was super jacked. He had on a t-shirt, ripped up jeans, a stretched out hoodie, dirty tennis shoes and a baseball cap. And he had a deep scratchy voice. Nothing about him said "I'm a gentle man who connects with kids and will solve all your problems". We were all a little timid to walk into his office. The room was filled with toys, and it took no time for the kids to get lost in play while Jeff and I talked. I explained how every day was a battle with #LivyLu. She was the pickiest eater, she would freak out and go into these hysterical meltdowns every time we tried something new, she would have tantrums five and six times a day, which I know is normal for someone her age, but what isn't normal is that they would last hours. She was reverting back to baby talk and becoming violent towards Adam and myself. It took a couple visits but #LivyLu warmed up to Jeff rather quickly. Every visit after that first appointment, I would sit on the couch as he gave his full attention to #LivyLu. At first it seemed as though they were just playing with toys and I questioned if these visits were actually doing anything, but then one day they started to make all the difference.
Jeff explained that #LivyLu has anxiety. She is a very detail oriented person who creates an image in her mind for how she wants things to go, her play, her day, how her plate should look, who and when others come into her play, etc. When someone comes in and tries to inject new ideas or switch things up, it messes with the image in her head and she becomes anxious. And because she is so young and anxiety is no small emotion, it becomes too much for her little body to handle and she blows up, not knowing another way to express herself. And suddenly what seemed like a middle aged man just playing with my three year old daughter turned into a learning experience for me. I saw the way he would let her lead the play and conversation, but then try to slowly and occasionally input new ideas, or new toys into the play. He would sometimes give her the option to say no, other times would explain why they should do things his way and then give #LivyLu the time to allow new ideas in. As Adam and I have tried to get down on her level more, to let her dictate more into how the day goes, the menu, giving her more responsibility (a picture chore chart, asking her to be in charge of keeping peace in the playroom, etc.), making a calendar so she can anticipate things; it has all drastically changed our relationship with her and how our days go.
I’ve watched a little girl who looked as though she was so full of anger and struggled to accept the things around her, to being a girl full of confidence, vision and passion. She gets so proud of herself when things click and work the way she wanted, and she has become so good at explaining to Adam and I what it is she is trying to accomplish and asking for help. She has also become so aware of the feelings of her siblings, and will either step in all on her own to help or will come to me to help me be aware. Just a few minutes ago, #OBoy had climbed to the top of the play kitchen, #LivyLu came up to me and said “#OBoy is not being safe, but looks, he’s so happy”.
The other day #LivyLu and #ClaraBelle were playing with blocks, building separately. But then I overheard #LivyLu explaining that if they built together they could build an even taller tower, and with some persuasion #ClaraBelle agreed to build together. It was so sweet to watch the two help and aid each other reach the blocks to the top of the tower and gasp in over exaggerated play as the tower would start to tip over. And suddenly her fears of food are going away! She is still a picky eater, but she will actually try new things and be willing to say "I didn't like that" or "I actually like that can I have more please!" My daughter, who used to be the one in the middle of every fight, spending most of her days in tears and frustration is now the peacekeeper in our home (on most days.... she is still a toddler), teaching her siblings, and keeping Adam and I involved in the excitement.
The past year with #ClaraBelle has been a serious roller coaster with her ears. One week she is hearing just fine and growing in her communication skills; the next week is full of tears, and what comes across as a toddler who ignores everything I say to her. So many times we have gone into the doctors hearing that we are back to where we started and needing to do treatments on her ears that are just no fun for #ClaraBelle or Adam and I. This whole experience has been so frustrating and sad to watch. But I think we are finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Her ear tubes are coming out and and there has been a night and day difference just in the past week. #ClaraBelle has developed a love for singing, she loves to play eye-spy with the things she sees in the room, and I can have actual conversations with her! But by far the sweetest is when she offers to say the prayer at the dinner table.
My daughter, who I have felt in all honesty a little distant from as we have tried to overcome the communication hurdle, is suddenly my best bud. Don’t get me wrong I always have and always will love my sweet #ClaraBelle, but the bond we have created in the days of late is something I cherish close to my heart. Suddenly I am seeing the character and gentle kind hearted spirit of my daughter in a new light. As I see her wrap dolls up in kitchen towels and sing them to sleep. As she scoots her cute bum closer to me when I read her a story so her siblings can fit on the chair. And when she reaches up to pull me back down on the bed for some more snuggles as I tuck her in each night. I can’t even begin to explain the joy I feel as I see her throw her arms up in their air, jumping up and down yelling "woohoo I did it!" as she makes connections and overcomes things she has been working on for a long time.
And then there is my ever energetic but oh so loving #OBoy. Golly gee, there really is a difference when it comes to raising girls to boys. With my girls I could tell them no once or twice, or distract them from the things I didn't want them to touch or climb. With #OBoy, its a whole different story. He is just the most determined kid and will go back and back and back no matter how many times I pull him away or say no. And the kid is so mischievous. I have watched him watch his sisters deep in their play, scheming how to get in on the fun. One day the girls were playing with some empty diaper boxes and their Toy Story dolls. #OBoy grabbed another toy and lured the girls away to another room. Then at the first chance he had, he ran with all his might laughing as he sat down inside the box and began to play with the dolls. He had an ear-to-ear grin.
But despite the tears he causes, and the great big tears he cries when his scheming plans dont come to fruition and his sisters dont let him in on their play, he has a deep love for snuggling. This poor kid popped in half a mouthful of teeth between the months of October to January (his teeth just take so long to come in) and is going through his second growth spurt just this year. As a result my little man who used to be too busy running around soaking in everything around him to wrap up in my arms, now takes every chance he can to do so (especially at three in the morning…. It’s still cute). I just can't get enough of him wrapping his chunky little arms around my neck grabbing my shirt and face to pull me in closer, burying his head in my neck and letting out little giggles of joy.
All too often I’m approached by people who say something like “I know it is hard now, but this is the best time of your life. Enjoy it now because it doesn't last long.” Some days when everyone is in a state of hysteria and my life feels like a constant chorus of woes and cries I think “It doesn't last long? Really???” But then a couple of weeks ago I saw a caption to an Instagram picture. A mother was saying that she snuggles her kids in bed every night because one day they won't live at home and she won't be able to do so. That she brushes their hair every morning and night, she reads Dr. Seuss books (the ones that make her tongue go numb with all the rhyming) over and over, she opens her arms to every shirt soaking crying filled hug and every “I’m so proud of you” moments because one day her kids will move out and find someone else to love and do those things with. So she soaks it up now while they still are within her reach. And while she was essentially saying the same thing that every sweet white haired grandma has said to me, those words just seemed to be so much more tangible.
Life with kids seem to be a constant up and down ride. They make the same mistakes over and over, they don’t listen to all your “no’s” and “please stop”, they struggle with certain areas and skills and they just seem frustrated with their state in development. But then one day everything clicks, and you start to see growth; and it seems as though every time you look at your child they have grown a day, or sometimes even a year older. I’m currently in the state of watching my kids grow and develop. And while it does bring me great joy to watch the light bulbs go on, and more joy as they approach something they have struggled with for weeks but now suddenly can do it like it’s the easiest thing, it does make me a little sad. Because now they are just one day closer to the day they will move out, one inch closer to having all the skills they need and won't rely on me to doing things for them anymore.
So just like that sweet mama on Instagram, I’m going to soak up every cuddle, every moment to read those tongue twisting books that drive me crazy but make my kids bust out in adorable gut laughter, endure the tantrums that will eventually but always end in needing my love and reassurance that all will be right again, and welcome my sweet children into a bed that quickly feels much too small in the wee morning hours, because it wont always be like that.
The past couple months have gone by so fast, and my kids have grown up so much faster than I can keep up with. But I am just so incredibly grateful for these sleep deprived, oops I skipped breakfast again, did I brush my teeth this morning, poop smelling, snotty kisses across my cheek, the dishes can sit there a little longer, right?, spit-soaked crackers shoved into my mouth, days. Sometimes we have to just trust in the wisdom of others and believe that even on the tantrum filled days, that these really are the best days of my life.
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