This has been a looooooong week! (Anyone else feel the same way?) But today is FRIDAY!!!! Adam and I are going on a date to the temple tonight (woohoo!!!!); and some good friends of ours are watching the girls which means they get to play with some friends. #LivyLu is ecstatic about to “c-w-ay with my f-w-ends!” (she can't pronounce her L’s and P’s)! So today is basically the best day ever!
But back to the long week. You guys seriously this week was hard! I was at my counseling appointment yesterday and just telling her how exhausted I am all the time and how my motivation has really tanked in the last couple weeks. She told me a story from when she was a young mom with three kids; she was at her sink washing dishes, and she told me, “I remember thinking, ‘Golly when did my life become all responsibility?’” We then talked about how sometimes as mom (or in my case more than just sometimes) we make these checklists about all the things that need to get done and spend all our time focusing on that: the dishes, laundry, cleaning up kids (which never ends), organizing the random stacks of paper that always accumulate, decluttering, diapers, making and cleaning up after meals, the list goes on and on and as soon as you finish one thing it starts back up again.
I love checklists, and I love checking things off, checklists make me feel so fulfilled in my life. So for me it is too easy to get consumed in checking things off that I don’t play with my children as often as I would like to, I get overwhelmed and stressed over expectations I am putting on myself and more often than not I feel like a failure for not accomplishing it all.
My counselor and I talked about how sometimes we need to forget about the things staring us in the face (the messy kitchen or the latest #ClaraBelle masterpiece on the bedroom door) or the ones that are in our way and make us step over them (the millions of toys strewn across the living room and down the hall) and think “what will help me tonight, tomorrow or in a week?” Doing the dishes now helps on for the moment, but in reality they really don’t fulfill us in the long run. Taking time for ourselves and doing things that make us happy however do.
With my husband gone most days hard at work, taking time for myself is pretty much nonexistent; however, playing with my kids and creating memories does make me happy, and in the long run it does fulfill me more than checking off boxes on my list. Most days, ignoring the messes is really a near impossible thing for me (I just function so much better in a clean environment). But after a week like this one I just so badly needed to shut out all responsibility and just have fun with my kids. So we did exactly that. The living room was covered in pillows, books toys, the kitchen counters were filled with dishes and breakfast, the laundry baskets were overflowing and the garbage seriously needed to be emptied. But I ushered the kids back into the bedroom with some snacks and some music. We shut the door and just played.
For nearly two hours we forgot about anything that was happening outside the bedroom and had a blast making memories. The girls and I made a “fruit cake” and had a tea party. #LivyLu would pretend to pour a cup of hot cocoa for herself, then #ClaraBelle would do the same. #LivyLu would shudder and exclaim, “It’s too hot!” and then #ClaraBelle would do a little body shake and gasp as she clasped her hands over her mouth. Then as #LivyLu would poor in the milk, take another sip and announce, “oh yum, much better”, and #ClaraBelle would do her best to copy. These two girls, who normally snatch toys out of the others hands then run away as fast as they can, the ones who argue constantly and usually have to be separated to play on their own were sitting next to each other on a little wooden crate playing, laughing and even hugging each other. (All of this happened while #OBoy slept in his bouncer, occasionally letting out sleepy little squeaks.) We played dress up, danced to music, and read just about every book on the bookshelf. And it was a perfect morning.
As moms we tend to see life as one responsibility after another, the chores are never ending and the expectations (both from natural and the ones we put on ourselves) are constantly piling up. It’s easy to have long hard weeks that are exhausting, and it’s easy to push ourselves aside in order to get everything done. GUILTY! But as I played with my sweet kiddos today I was reminded how much I just love them. How much I need their laughter, energy and positive outlook in my life. Today was hard to walk away from the messes and put my checklist aside (even if it was just for a couple hours), but the outcome (a happier mom, who now can relax a little more during her date tonight, and happy kids) is so so worth it.
"Successful mothers are not the one's that have never struggled;
they are the ones that never give up, despite the struggles." -Sharon Jaynes
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