Have you ever heard of costochondritis? I hadn’t until about three weeks ago when I was about three winks away from crying on my doctors shoulder as I was telling him about all the pain I was in all the time. Basically it’s inflammation of the cartilage in your chest that flares up do to many things, but stress is a major cause of it. So when I talk about having to let go of my stress, it’s not just a nice thought anymore. It’s how I can function through the day without downing a ton of ibuprofen. But letting go and just accepting it is not always as easy to do as it is to say it.
Miss #LivyLu has hit a very independent stage, and her sass seems to have tripled in the past month. I’m not one of those women that was blessed with a great deal of patience, so we’ve had a lot of power struggles as of recent.
Miss #ClaraBelle has finally learned to stand up for herself. Whenever there is a moment to defend her toys or the activity she is doing from her older sister, she doesn't bat an eye before she swings a punch or two, and has even left some teeth marks in #LivyLu’s arms. So, ya know, that’s really fun to deal with.
And Mr. #OBoy is going through another growth spurt.
Basically, life is peachy.
We are currently coming out a heat spell (heat does not bode well with me), and today had some big let downs, due to some disappointing news. So when #OBoy came up to me while I was cooking dinner pulling on my leg and crying, I welcomed the opportunity to just put everything down and sneak off to the living room (where the AC is blasting and the lights turned off) to lay down on the couch. Seriously, is there anything better than some one on one time with a child? The girls (for the first time in WEEKS) were playing happily and quietly in their bedroom (#ClaraBelle just upgraded to a big girl bed so they were enjoying having a new bed to jump on).
In the past when #OBoy has gone through growth spurts, he has cried relentlessly and basically lives on Tylenol. But this time around he just wants cuddles. So as we lay on the couch, stomach to stomach, his squishy cheeks pushed up against my lips as I quietly sang to him, one hand being clenched by his little sausages and the other hand rubbing his back, listening to his occasionally chime in to my tunes. For the first time all day, my heart felt at peace, my chest wasn't throbbing with pain, and all I wanted to do was sink in deeper to my son’s cuddles.
But then as I’m halfway through the second verse of Rainbow Connection, I start to smell it.
I pull my face a little away from #OBoy’s. #OBoy is laying with his eyes closed, he had a very peaceful look on his face, but it was as red as a cherry and he suddenly started letting out little grunts and I could feel his whole body tense up for just a second before relaxing. I mean this kid was all into the snuggles and relaxation, but he was also giving it all to push that little package out. All of this was happening while the stench just enveloped the air around me and I’m watched his diaper grow (sadly this isn't a literary metaphor to push a point, this actually happened, and I actually laughed). And in that moment I realized that my son was finally passing something he had most likely been working on for a while.
Of course I think it’s nasty to snuggle my baby while he is pooping; but after the day I had I realized we both just needed to be close to each other to help the other let go of the things we have been holding onto. For him it was an enormous poop that I would need to HEAVILY febreeze away, and for me it was the unnecessary stress about things that I can't change.
Ya know, sometimes days are hard. Stuff just happens. Just about everyday with two toddlers and a baby who just wants so much to stand up and run with his sisters is exhausting. And this transition period of Adam switching jobs has quite frankly been frustrating and hard on the whole family. So keeping my cool and calm through the day doesn't always come easy.
If you have been around me lately, you might have noticed me throw around the statement “it is what it is”, because I’m trying to not allow myself to get to emotionally drawn down by the things I can't change. For example, last week we had family over. We set up a tent in the backyard for my siblings. The next morning we went shopping and when we came back the tent was gone. Rather than stressing about it and calculating in my mind what it was going to cost to buy a new tent, I just said “it is what it is and I can’t change it” and went on with what I was doing. Later we found the tent down the street, it had rolled away in the wind, so all was good. But that simple little statement was all I needed to just accept what has happened and move on rather than stress, worry and cry. So today when I was having a moment (a rare one at that) with my son, and it was interrupted by a torpedo (well it was more like splatt’s and splurt’s), there was nothing I could do to stop it, so I just held him closer and rubbed his back till he was done taking care of business.
By no means am I good at letting the little, big and unexpected things go. But it’s something I am trying to get better at. And you know what? It is what is is, and that can be good enough for me.
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