Thank you, Scott. I usually want to tune out (or skip) second hour of church. I usually can't get myself into the discussions and quite honestly I allow the distractions of #ClaraBelle (oh how I can’t wait for nursery-- 2 more weeks!) and #OBoy keep me from learning. But today I learned something, and it was all because of a question Scott posed.
We were talking about the story of Noah and the Ark (for those who don’t know much about him here is what Mormons believe: https://www.lds.org/topics/noah?lang=eng). We were talking about his characteristics and Scott asked how can we try to emulate him. As I listened to what others were saying about bravery (being prepared [both spiritually and physically], enduring through the mocking) I was trying to relate some of this back to me.
I’ve touched on this before in previous posts, but I really struggle with depression; much of that stems from insecurities with who I am, which leads to assuming judgments which keeps me from doing things in my life. I am uncomfortable with my size, the way clothes look on my body (I’m just gonna say it, postpartum bodies are the worst!), and all around how I view myself in the mirror. Because of this I don’t leave my house much (I say no to hanging out, family activities in public, going to Relief Society activities, basically anything that isn't an important errand or a doctors appointment), because what if someone gives me a weird look, or makes a comment (which those things have happened but I just assume that they will happen every time I go out) so I don’t go out. I am straight up awkward at conversing with others (except for Adam, that's one of the things that drew me to him), I can’t hold a conversation to save my life; so I assume that people might think I’m a snob because I don’t say much, or they will find me boring and then I’ll be the lonely person in the corner everywhere I go. I assume a lot of judgments and that holds me back. I allow negativity to bring me down and I let everything that doesn't live up to the extremely high expectation in my head make me feel as though I am a failure.
As I was thinking about Noah and how I can be like him, I thought of perseverance and living in the love of God. Noah had every opportunity to be depressed and to feel like a failure. God told him to build a boat, which caused a whole lot of finger pointing, laughing, and I’m pretty sure he was the topic of many jokes. But he persevered. God told him to call the people (not just a select group, but the entire world!) to repentance, and not one single person listened to him. God told him there would be a flood, and gave him the tools to survive. I can just imagine Noah pleading, begging and hurting for people to follow him. I mean these are people he lived with and worked with, people who grew up with his kids, people he loved, and he couldn’t save them. He could have easily felt like a failure, and if I were in his shoes I would have jumped off the boat, because that has to be an extremely heavy weight to carry on your shoulders.
But Noah did what I want to do. God told him that he was loved, Noah believed it and lived by it. Noah was given trial after trial and had the world literally laughing in his face, yet he kept the end goal in sight and persevered.
So Scott, to answer your question, how can I emulate Noah in my life? My answer is I will embrace God’s love, and I will not let judgments or depression or “failure” keep my from my end goal.
I want to be like Noah.
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