Yesterday was one of those hard days I just couldn’t wait to end. As soon as Adam walked in the door from a long day at work I crumbled in his arms and just started crying. I went on and on about how hard the day was keeping up with the kids, how hard it was trying to not be impatient with our situation and the fact that we are still living in this tiny apartment which I struggle to love. Life just feels hard everyday. Sure there are days I am able to look past these hard things and enjoy the moments, live a little and fall into a pile of laughter with my kiddos and snap a picture to remember the easier times. But it seems as though those happy moments are becoming farther apart the longer this trial lasts.
Yesterday I felt this weight as though I just couldn’t keep going on, and I cried for a long time and I even yelled a little. But then I dried my tears and we packed up the kids and took them to McDonald's because, well, the kids aren't picky about chicken nuggets and french fries for dinner, and that play place is golden when it comes to wearing out my kiddos for bedtime (they were asleep within minutes of trucking them in bed… well at least the girls were, #OBoy wanted to stay up and enjoy a date night in with Adam and I).
Once a month Adam and I wait to eat our dinner till after the kids have gone to bed so we can enjoy a quiet conversation. Sure it makes for late dinners, last night we ate at 10:30, but this really has become one of our favorite date nights!
We tried a new pizza crust recipe, and it was DELISH! Go to this site for the recipe:
We learned how to flip pizza’s in the air together. As a part of dinner date nights, we like to either cook a new recipe together or learn a new skill. Being able to flip pizza dough high into the air has always been attractive to me, so to spend my evening watching my hubby flip dough… well it sure made me flip for him!
We also tried out this heavenly, mouthwatering pizza toppings. Seriously THE BEST! https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ree-drummond/fig-prosciutto-pizza-with-arugula-recipe-1925521
Spending an evening making and eating pizza to the sounds of authentic Italian music and quiet conversation (mixed with the cries of #OBoy who didn’t like being left out of the fun) was just the thing that Adam and I needed to remind ourselves that we are more than just the struggles and trials we are living through.
This morning I was scrolling through Instagram and came across a post from one of my favorites, Al Carraway. She said:
Things have been hard for me & I don’t see it ending quite yet. ...
Most days I find blessings & things to enjoy & laugh at within my personal trial, but then some days - like yesterday- I crumble. The weight seems too heavy, the end doesn't seem close, & my body aches at the thought of going on with little change.
Sometimes I feel like I have enough faith to be helped or healed right then in that very second, I do. But do we have the faith to not? Do we have the faith to let Him NOT solve or heal right away?
I eventually get there, but it’s not until after I have yelled a lot at God, that I get there. And that’s ok. 'Cuz it’s through my brutally honest yellings when I make progress with my situation & myself. It's in my brutally honest prayers that has led me to a REAL relationship with Him in the 1st place. It’s where I accept & feel that I won’t drown even if it won’t go away quite yet. Where I accept that sometimes all the answers won't be there, but comfort & strength always will. IF we *never make turning to Him an option or after thought. -
So you know what, yeah maybe things really stink for you right now. And yeah, maybe we wish things were going differently.
But you know what? Comfort is always there because Christ is always there.
And you know what? The future holds e v e r y t h i n g for us.
Next time we find ourselves on our floor yelling at God pleading for things to be over & things to be different, I hope that we can take just a quick break from how we think our lives should go, & with hope say, “so be it.” 'Cuz our trials & our change of course will never alter the unchanging truth that God is real & is leading us to the *best blessings. .
And that absolutely gives me every reason to keep going, keep turning to Him, & choose laughter & choose faith & choose God, every day.
B/C WE HAVE A FREAKING GOD ON OUR SIDE--HOW EMPOWERING IS THAT!
This seriously spoke to my soul! One, it’s so comforting when someone else puts into words the things we feel on the inside, because that just validates that what we are going through is real, but we are not alone. But it was just the very reminder I needed that everything will be ok. While I felt I could have handled things much better when I broke down in Adam’s arms right in front of the kids yesterday, it was a much needed vent which allowed me to cool down and move on with my evening. Putting all my stresses aside and just dancing and goofing off with Adam in the kitchen was the very perfect way to remind myself that there is happiness even in what seems to be the darkest points in our lives. And the reminder from Al this morning that God is mindful of me, and even though He hasn't taken this trial away (despite my consent pleading prayers), He is still pulling for me, blessing me and helping me every step of the way.
So moral of this story is, take some time this weekend to feed your soul, whether that is with yummy homemade pizza or reminders that God is always there for you.
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