I walked into the girls’ bedroom and #LivyLu was sitting on her bed quietly crying to herself. I sat on the bed next to her and put my arm around her, then leaning down so our cheeks are touching I asked:
“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”
“I’m just soooooo sad right now” and sunk her shoulders deeper into her silent sobs.
“Why are you sad?”
“Because I just want to marry all the people! (little voice inflection), But I can’t, I too little. I have to be five year old.”
Have you ever had one of those moments where you just can't keep a straight face? I mean guys, there were legit tears running down her face! I tried my hardest to keep my composure and we had a serious conversation about how it will all be ok and before we both know it she can marry the person of her dreams and live in a castle like a princess (we watched the royal wedding, and she has been a little obsessed with princesses and marriage). Within a minute she was calmed down and smiling as she ran out the door to go play. But, the instance she left the room I could not help the belly laughter. Seriously, being a mom is the best!
But here is where I’m gonna get real with ya.
Hi, my name is Kayla, and I have a social media addiction.
I mean I only scroll for a few minutes at a time, but collectively throughout the day… well let's not put an actual number to how long I spend on my phone, but y’all the struggle is real.
And let's be honest, as a mom who stays home cleaning and changing diapers and living in a world of chasing Captain Treasures (#LivyLu’s made up friend who steals all her treasures) and always preparing myself for tackle hugs from behind by #Clarabelle, and my husband being at work all day it’s safe to say that I just don’t get too much social interaction. So in some small way, scrolling through social media reading properly composed sentences that actually make sense (unlike the toddler talk I listen to all day, like the one #LivyLu said to me the other day "Mom can you do the cluuug for rissy cants, it’s ma faw-o-wit, Ricky Ricky Ticky" and adds a little shoulder shake: she wanted to watch Aristocats) gives me some kind of mental break and helps me feel a little more connected with a mature world.
Furthermore, on social media I get to choose what I post about my life, how I post it, and I add the perfect filter to give me a sunglow look rather than a pasty white “I’ve been stuck inside too long” look. I choose the perfect angle on pictures that gives the illusion that my home is always clean and that we are always perfectly put together. I caption my pictures with quotes that are much better said than anything I can scramble together, and I choose exactly how the world gets to view me. And the thing is, it works! I’ll have a long week full of toddler tantrums and scrubbing #Clarabelle’s latest masterpiece off the wall. We might end the week with only one dinner actually being eaten by the kids, and the diaper pail overflowing with nastiness. Yet we can walk into church on Sunday (the one day we actually look pulled together and decent) and get comments about how cute the pictures of the kids playing outside were, or how fun it must have been to camp out in the living room in blanket forts, and how yummy that week's culinary creations looked.
Completely omitting from the public's eye that my week was really chaos and that I'm really just being held together with hairspray, bobby pins and a push up bra (guys the saggy boob after having kids business…. Why don't they tell ya that starts so young.). And in some way that makes me feel as though I’m a good mom.
Social media allows me to hide away from the things I’m too exhausted to take care of and the things that really are not too glamorous about my job. It’s a distraction, an escape that allows me to masquerade a life I want people to think I’m living.
But I’ve missed so many precious moments because of it. Today I was a present mom who was there for my daughter when she thought her world was over because she has to wait till she is five to “marry all the people”. I was able to watch the kids play hide and seek, then sneak into their game and play with them for another 20 minutes. I was there for my son who is going through a beast of a growth spurt and massaged his legs to give him a little relief (poor guy). Today I chose to put down my phone and be in the moment with my kids.
Sadly, that has not always been the case. Like the many times I catch up on all the Instastories as I feed #OBoy, rather than talk and sing to him, or simply just enjoy the silence and bond with my sweet little guy. The times I sit at the kitchen island with the girls as they color and eat snacks, but instead of coloring and watching them I’m searching Pinterest looking for new recipes to add to my repertoire and inspirations for our next place of inhabitance. And when the kids watch a cartoon and get up during the songs to sing and dance, rather than “shaking my groove thang” with them, I sit back on the couch and scroll through Facebook to waste time because in reality I’ve seen the movie so many times I could quote it in my sleep.
When my kids are all grown I don't want to have to fight for their attention and ask them to put their phone away every five minutes. So the habit of putting family before phones and social media needs to starts with me, and it needs to start now.
I don't want my kids to look up from their projects or activities to see a phone pointed at them rather than the ear to ear smile on their mother’s face.
I don’t want to be the mom who scrolls social media at all hours of the day checking how many “likes” I have, getting inspiration for future projects and “catching a break” from the hard stuff in life, rather than facing the hard stuff and being the interactive mom who is overly involved and smothers her kids in all the loves and kisses she can while their still young. I don’t want to become so caught up in the drama, the politics, the Instastories and the Facebook discussions on the mom pages, that I am missing the moments my kids need me to be present.
Am I shutting out social media from my life? Heck no! I'm not a creative person so I need to see the creativity of others so I can copy it and give the illusion that I’m a crafty creative person. I love that I get to stay connected with family, and sometimes the mental break from the stress of a very long day is much needed. But from now on I’m going to try my hardest to put it aside when my kids are around. I'm going to put them first, and I’m not going to let the image of mom on her phone be a prominent memory for my kids.
Now, I’m gonna put away the laptop so I can go color with Miss #LivyLu in the warm sunlight on the porch during the final minutes of nap time.
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